Tragic.

I've told a few people that I know but sometimes I feel like my life is a badly written cliched drama that someone watches and enjoys watching only because it's so cliche.

But nothing could've prepared me, or any of us really, for what happened this week.

Needless to say that it will be a very difficult next couple of years. The struggles to keep our family together and being able to successfully raise my sisters baby in our house will no doubt be difficult and present for as long as we're needed in his life. We will remember this all as nothing less than the most bitter and disgusting of experiences and we will be reminded of the anger. We will be reminded of the pain and we'll have to live the rest of our lives with a question we can't answer.

Why, will always come into effect as the first reply to those thoughts, should they remain.

But a part of me sees only relief in the midst of all the sadness.
A part of me is glad that we have a bright and loving future to look forward to. We have a tiny life that needs us at 100%. We will rise from this like phoenixes and remember this cannot destroy us. Especially my sister. We will always remind her she can and will prevail.

For the rest of this year I have big plans that no longer match what I had thought of before. My plans to go to school have been replaced with first priority standards surrounding the little life we hold in our hands. A walking piece of my sisters heart. This is my priority now and I will continue in making all of it a reality for as long as I'm needed to teach. I have to save not for school but for expenses that though High, will be worth it.

I will waste the rest of my waking breathe into holding my self back from seeking the destruction and annihilation of something who has hurt our family in such a cruel and hateful way. I will have to learn to not let the hate I feel consume me into doing something stupid. I can do this. Only because I know life will take care of that one for me.

For the rest of the nights for a long time, I will be awake. I will only stay awake in case the person who is my sunshine has her shine back again. A shine that can't be destroyed or tarnished or dimmed. You can't aim for the sun and reaching it without getting burned. This is the same case for my sister. She's my happy sunshine ray, the girl who see's the good things of the world. You can not destroy her spirit.

But until then, I will just painfully and agonizingly cry.

Because there is nothing I do or say that will make her feel better that time can't do better.

I hope I have happier news for a new entry. I'm very sick of the sad ones.